Four-letter word...

Fail. Yeah, that's a four-letter word, but seems like it keeps popping in my head. We started a program with a weight loss program three years ago and did it for a few months, but of course, that fell through...as most things have. We've called them to check on the credit card charges, but hearing the manager's voice on my voice mail really made me think back to when we were involved in the program. My mind raced through all the programs, weight loss pills and surgery I've been through. Surprisingly to me, instead of being motivated, it made me want to withdraw and not do anything, just shrink out of view and not do anything. Why is that? I should be motivated by that, motivated to succeed this time. "Voice of Truth" by Casting Crowns has made me think of this situation before, but it's screaming to me today.

But the giant's calling out my name
And he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed

The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again
"Boy you'll never win!
You'll never win!"

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
...
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I would choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Play it AGAIN, Char...

OK, so here I am again...trying AGAIN...hoping AGAIN...fighting AGAIN. I think I'm actually motivated to do this for myself this time. I'm the heaviest I've ever been...no, I'm not going to give a number. Let's just say it's too much, WAY too much. I'm starting to feel pain in places a 37-year-old shouldn't feel pain...or a 67-year-old. I can hardly stand for very long to make copies at work. My office chair creaks. I'm unmotivated to get up to do anything. If I can sit in my seat and do it, so be it! That's ridiculous. A while back, I was going to make a dream book, a book of pics representing things I'd like to do. Here are a few...maneuver my body to get a great photography shot at any angle, wear cute clothes that are available for cheaper than $35/top (a/k/a shop at Wal-Mart), finish a 5K. That last one is probably the closest to achievability. The gym starts this week...no excuses (unless they close for a snowstorm, like this past week). I've got my new playlist ready on my iPod and a big huge bunch of encouragers behind me.