Hi again, everyone! I hope you had a great weekend! Hubby gave me a "Pamper Sweetie Day" that included hair color and cut, wax (ouch), Thai food, pedicure, trip to Ulta and new shoes. :) Oh, and my favorite BBQ place, too! Love him so much, thank God for him.
So, I've been thinking more about things. Steven brought up a good point Saturday. I think that, deep down, there's a struggle in me other than the weight loss, but one and the same as the weight loss. I asked myself this question: "Do I really WANT to win this weight battle?" I'm conflicted in answering, because on one hand, of course, I do. I rejoice in a 3-pound loss and long for the ability to shop for cute clothes and shoes (yes, my feet get smaller when I lose weight, no wide width worries). On the other hand, though, as I said in my previous entry, I am so in love with indulging myself. I love food, plain and simple. I love eating what I want, how much I want (to an extent...still have that semi-small tummy from gastric bypass), how often I want. It's funny. If I crave something, I don't want just a bite of it, I want a ton of it. So much sometimes that I can make myself nauseated (again, the gastric bypass). Even what I don't really WANT it...does that make sense? It's almost like I want all I can get, it's the excess I crave. I have cash in my pocket? Yes, let's get something yummy and high-calorie! Do I really want it? No, but that doesn't matter, I CAN, I have the ABILITY to do it! I hope I'm making some sense to someone out there...I don't know why I do that. I'd like to know why, honestly. To sum it up, I really think I'd rather be heavy and eat what I want than be thin and healthy...I think I want both, but it's kind of a 70-30 thing. *sigh*
One of those "what's WRONG with me" moments...
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