So, Steven and I had a wonderful weekend. We had a great time in Asheville, seeing the Celtic Woman tour, dining at quaint places and even at the Grove Park Inn! What views and what nice people. The weather was gorgeous as well. I will tell you, though, I had trouble with the seating at the venue. I wasn't surprised. Small auditorium seats with hard arms can do that to a big girl. BUT, there was no wall or seats in front of us, so that was a plus! :) Good weekend all around, even after a lengthy, hard conversation with my dear, sweet husband.
Yesterday, we had a long talk while in the parking lot of Catherine's. Basically, he told me he's tired of us fighting over food. And, he should be. He always has to play the bad guy with me, saying, "Sweetie, you really shouldn't have eaten that cookie," or this or that. He is much stronger than me when it comes to this. He put down Diet Pepsis almost a year ago and hasn't touched them since. That simple, just stopped. With me, sweet tea (and probably sugar in its simplest form) is a drug for me. I call it the Nectar of the Gods, and I am not joking, people. I told him I'm giving it up. Period. If he can do that with Diet Pepsis when he drank probably a 2-liter or two per day...I can do it, too. So, today, it's water. It may have to be flavored with something to begin with, but I'm going to wean myself off of that. I just want something with flavor.
And, honestly, I was thinking, are the foods I give everything up for REALLY that good? I mean, I'll be honest. This weekend, I had a burger at the place called Corner Kitchen in Biltmore Village. It was locally grown, grain-fed beef, and it was amazing. THAT as a treat every now and then is TRULY good. A Blizzard from DQ or a doughnut? Seriously? Not that great. Having it every day is not worth it. I was telling Steven yesterday, though, that it's hard for me to wrap my head around the future and the consequences this all will bring. Even the thought of an early death due to these habits is hard for me to grasp. I've never had much luck really getting a feel for the future. It's all about here and now for me. Doing what I what when I want to do it. I told him that, to me, eating like I do is me being in control, eating what I want. He said something brilliantly simple..."No, Char, that's the FOOD controlling YOU." And, he's so right! While in tears yesterday during this conversation, I prayed to God to give me the desire to do this, to give me the desire to give up these foods that aren't good for me. I need His help. I look at all the times I've failed, and it's just like it's too big to conquer.
But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me time and time again.
"Boy, you'll never win! You'll never win!"
...
But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me time and time again
"Boy, you'll never win! You'll never win!"
For crying out loud, I've been getting up at 5:45 most weekday mornings to hit the gym. I've got to convince myself that I can, that I have to. So, friends, please keep me in your prayers. Love you all! :)
